Coffee Break
by Disgruntled Peony
Summary: Darien, Hobbes, Claire, and Alex take a small break from their normal fanfiction activities...


Title: Coffee Break  
Author: liz_Z  
E-mail: liz_Z@secret-agent.com  
Category: Umm, not sure. It's not much of any particular category. Kind of a general thing, I guess. Maybe humor?  
Spoilers: Slight reference to 'Brother's Keeper', but most of the spoilers are for my own fics. :)  
Rating: G  
Disclaimer: They're not mine. Really, they're not.  
Author's notes: This is just a silly little thought that's been floating around in my brain for a while now; I thought I'd finally commit it to paper, just for fun.

  
Darien sat in the Character's Cafeteria, slowly sipping at a mug of coffee. For the millionth time he wondered why the Official had decided to start hiring him, Hobbes, and the rest of the gang out to- of all people- fanfic writers. He had been working for several writers, including liz_Z, for quite a while now. He was very grateful for the fact that he had a few minutes to sit back and relax before the next onslaught of writing took place.

  
Just then Hobbes walked into the cafeteria, holding an icepack over his eye. Darien looked up. "What'd she do to you this time?"

  
Hobbes frowned. "Well, according to her latest fic, you did this to me. Elbowed me in the eye."

  
Darien winced a bit. "Ouch." He rubbed his right arm absently. "I've still got a bruise from whatever happened when Arnaud took me over."

  
"Maybe you should have the Keeper take a look at that," Hobbes said, walking up and sitting down beside Darien.

  
Darien shook his head. "Nah, she's still mad at me for hallucinating that she was a spider."

  
Hobbes laughed a little. "Well, those spider costumes were awfully hot, and very uncomfortable. Tight in all the wrong places, you know?"

  
"Are you complaining about those spider costumes again?" Alex said, walking into the cafeteria. "Hey, at least you got to make an appearance. That... writer didn't even include me in her last story!"

  
Hobbes shrugged. "Well, you wouldn't have had much of a part anyway. There wasn't much for you to do."

  
Alex gave Hobbes an irritated glare. "I'm a five-star agent! There were plenty of things I could have done!"

  
Claire walked into the cafeteria and sat down beside Hobbes. "Actually, there really wasn't much room for you in the storyline. And besides, you weren't around for when Kevin resurfaced, without any explanation as to your disappearance, so the author probably figured it was alright to not include you."

  
Hobbes smiled. "Ahh, the voice of reason," he said, placing an arm around Claire's shoulder. Claire smiled back at him.

  
Darien frowned. "Aww, come on you two, just because liz_Z's a B/C 'shipper doesn't mean you guys have to get all smarmy, does it?"

  
Claire laughed. "We're not getting smarmy!"

  
Hobbes looked over at Darien. "Besides, I seem to remember you getting all mushy yourself a while back. Remember, fic number one? You KISSED Claire! Who was being smarmy then?"

  
Darien smiled, raising an eyebrow. "Hobbes, are you jealous?"

  
"No!" Hobbes protested, a little too quickly.

  
Alex laughed. "Oh, don't deny it, we all know you are."

  
Darien finished drinking his cup of coffee. "Don't worry Hobbes, I'm not gonna move in on your action," he said, at the same time as he gave Claire a blatantly flirtatious wink.

  
Hobbes frowned, looking over at Claire. "Did he just-"

  
Darien laughed, leaning forward and patting Hobbes on the arm. "Don't worry partner, I'm just kidding."

  
"Sure you are," Hobbes muttered, leaning back in a more relaxed position but still eyeing Darien suspiciously.

  
Alex, meanwhile, gave Hobbes a curious look. "Hey, what happened to your eye?"

  
"Didn't you hear? I happened," Darien muttered sourly.

  
Alex frowned. "It's just not fair. That... author still hasn't given me much action!"

  
"Oh, really?" Hobbes asked, leaning forward a little. "In that fic where she 'ended the show', I remember you getting some action. You got shot at what, two, maybe three times?"

  
Alex's frown didn't lessen a bit. "Yeah, but other than that I didn't get too much action at all!"

  
Darien sighed. "Alex, we've been over this before. You got to save Claire and shoot Arnaud in the leg. What more do you want?"

  
"A fic all about me!" Alex said, leaning back, crossing her arms, and giving everyone a smug smile.

  
Claire snorted. "I doubt that that will be happening any time soon," she muttered.

  
"Excuse me?" Alex said, leaning forward and giving Claire a stern look.

  
"Nothing," Claire said, giving Alex an innocent expression.

  
Darien leaned back in his chair, shaking his head at the exchange that had just taken place. "Alex, you might not want to have a fic by liz_Z centered around you after all. I mean, the writer lives to torture characters. Out of all the fics she's written, almost all of them involved someone getting hurt."

  
Hobbes nodded, removing his icepack to reveal a very impressive black eye. "Yeah. This is actually a pretty small injury. I mean, over time I've been shot, paralyzed, tortured..."

  
Darien leaned back in his chair and began to recite his own injuries. "I've been beaten up, stabbed, put in a coma..."

  
Hobbes leaned forward, a competitive tone emerging in his voice as he said, "Stark drove me insane!"

  
"Arnaud shaved my head!" Darien said back in a similar tone. Then he stopped, a confused look on his face. "Wait, why are we competing to see who got hurt more?"

  
Hobbes shook his head. "I dunno."

  
Alex shook her head as well. "Maybe you're right. I don't need some writer torturing me. You two are torturing enough as it is."

  
Darien glanced at his watch. "Well, it's one o'clock. Coffee break's over."

  
Hobbes pulled himself to his feet and placed the ice-pack back over his eye. "Yeah, liz_Z'll probably have come up with some new ways to torture us by now. I've heard you're up to bat this time, partner," he said, giving Darien a meaningful look.

  
Darien groaned. "Oh, that's just wonderful..."

  
"I'll be sure to have some extra counteragent ready," Claire said, giving Darien a consoling smile.

  
"How much you wanna bet I don't make an appearance again?" Alex said, but without any real malice. And with that, the four of them walked out the door, mentally trying to prepare for whatever liz_Z would throw at them next.

  
The End 


End file.
